First of all, let’s just be clear about one thing. Blaming our irrational behaviour and mood swings on our period is only okay when we do it. Men still haven’t learnt: when in the history of ever, have women reacted in a way other than what is depicted below when men say ‘is it your time of the month or summin?’ **insert deathly glare here**
It’s just not okay.
However, it is a perfectly acceptable excuse to lie in bed, wallow and do nothing. I basically have scheduled sick days every month.
Here are few things I find myself saying, like clockwork:
- ‘Definitely can’t exercise today‘ – I mean, I might shake all the blood out of me!
- ‘Chocolate is going to be my only saviour right now.’
- ‘100% the reason I’d put on 3lbs when I weighed myself the other day’ – Nothing to do with all the crap I’ve been eating. It’s deffos just water retention.
- ‘A carb fest is perfectly acceptable in my condition.’ – After all, I deserve it.
- ‘How could I possible leave the house when I’m losing THIS much blood?’ – It’s a totally legit reason to decline social events, call in sick to work and lie in my jammies all day. After all, being in a horizontal position should stem the blood flow.
We’ve also become experts at code names for our TOTM, here are some of my favourites:
- ‘I’m surfing the crimson wave’
- ‘The painters are in’
- ‘Aunty Flow is in town!’
- ‘I’m experiencing technical difficulties’
- ‘Mother Nature paid me a visit’
- ‘Its shark week.’
- ‘I’m being sabotaged by my baby box’ (for when the cramps are getting nasty)
- ‘I’m harbouring the spawn of the devil in my womb’ (Okay, maybe a little extreme but that’s for REALLY bad cramps…)
- ‘I’m on my period.’ (probably the least subtle option. Often resorted to when whatever male you are trying to say this to, in the politest possible way, just totally isn’t getting it.
The Period Pack:
- Hot Water Bottle (for the cramps)
- Pain Killers (also for the cramps)
- Tea (You should basically have hot, sugary tea on a drip)
- A Movie (Preferably a light hearted, power to the females movie)
- Popcorn (To go with the movie, obviously…)
- Chocolate (Just because.)
All jokes aside, unfortunately all the things we want to do and eat are actually worse for us (because apparently having a period doesn’t suck enough and we can’t wallow in it.)
I’ve actually come up with a little treat recipe that we can have instead of choco, will curb the craving AND is good to soothe the painful, traumatic time we are enduring! So keep your eyes peeled!
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