Mum, dad, if you are reading this (which I know you are cause you’re my biggest fans); please stop. And I know you are also going to ignore me so, this must never be spoken about. Ever.
Up until now, these diary entries have been very PG, so I thought it was high time I spiced things up a little bit. As you may have guessed, casual sex isn’t really something I do (call me a prude, I don’t care!). However, on the odd occasion (mostly when a lot of alcohol is involved) my morals become a little looser because, after all, a girl has needs just as much as the next man!
I went on a date with a guy who I’d known for maybe a month or so, in the friend capacity. This meant I was totally at ease on our date, it was so nice to go out with someone that you already knew and could kind of skip the small talk. Anyway, I had a large glass of red wine to start the evening off. Then one glass turned in to four and well… yeah you know where this is going!
So, the time came to get protection (be safe, not sorry!) and I had some stashed in the chest of drawers at the end of my bed -probably covered in cobwebs due to lack of usage, potentially even out of date… Anyway, I shuffled down the bed to retrieve them, attempting to cover my modesty at the same time – I’m not the most body confident of girls, so being naked is not my favourite thing; try, full on ski suit – that’s when I’m at my best. I fumbled around for a few moments and eventually found one, put my hand behind me to push myself back up and promptly, fell off the bed completely.
It took me a second to realise what had just happened. I wanted the floor to swallow me up. There I was, flat on my back, completely starkers, legs akimbo. Like a tortoise. A naked tortoise. And trust me, as you can imagine, there is no sexy way to recover from this. All I could do was attempt to laugh it off when really I was crying inside.
I should start a blog called: How To Not Be Sexy, I really have so many pointers.
All in all, this event reinforced to me why I avoid casual sex and is definitely, definitely up there in my top 5 embarrassing moments. Of all time.