I have finally, finally come to the realisation that, I’m pretty awful at ‘being’ a girl (Ikr right, I had one job!) and this is something that has bothered me since teen hood. There are so many things in the female world that I am just completely and utterly clueless about!
I recently went to the hairdressers and our conversation went something like this.
Hairdresser: ‘When was the last time you cut your hair?’
Me: ‘Like, last month…’ (more like 5 months ago)
H: ‘And do you use heat defence before you straighten your hair?’
Me: ‘Sometimes?’ (never)
H: ‘And what products do you use on your hair?’
Me: ‘What like, shampoo and conditioner?’
At this she just rolled her eyes. I left the salon with a long bob, slightly shorter at the back, rather than the proposed trim I was after, as my hairdresser gently told me that layers are so 2000 and I needed to update.
This caused me to think about all the other girly things that I have no idea about:
- I don’t know how to do my hair. At all really. I mean, at the grand old age of 23, I’ve only just learnt how to curl it using straighteners.
- Contouring? Total mystery to me – my friends look upon me, horrified that it takes me around 5 minutes to do my make up, as I slap on foundation haphazardly and maybe use a bit of blush every now and then. I have never even attempted to draw in my eyebrows – in fact, I’ve never plucked them either. I do get them threaded, but that only started in 2013 when my friend suggested I go to the beauticians with her. I have no idea how to glue on fake eyelashes, and smoky eyes… well… no amount of YouTube tutorials is going to help me there.
- When it comes to clothes, I literally pick up something in the shop and think ‘that
looks nice’ try it on and buy it. Elegant layering of clothes is something I’m incredibly envious of – I just don’t have an eye for it. I haven’t bought a pair of high heels in about 3 years, so they’re incredibly behind the times. Even more puzzling to me is a collection of jewellery. In both silver and gold I have one necklace, one ring, and one pair of earrings. Anything designer I own has been purchased as a gift! I tend to spend my money on a holiday rather than a designer bag.
I do, however, love getting my nails done – but in cool patterns and colours, I’ve never even considered acrylics.
And all the above factors really used to get to me. I would agonise for hours over pictures of elegantly made up, beautiful girly girls on Instagram that own more than one pair of ‘shoe’ (I don’t actually own a normal shoe, I have trainers, or high heels – nothing in between). Watching MIC just made me feel slightly shit about myself when I learn that the stunning rich girl who looks at least 4 years my senior is actually, 2 years my junior. And I was always slightly envious of my friends when they went shopping, picked out sophisticated outfits and rocked them in a way that would make me look like an idiot. And I tried. I really, really did try.
And you know what I discovered recently after years and years of trying to fit in and be more feminine?
That it doesn’t fucking matter. Not one jot does it make a difference.
The older I have got, the more comfortable I have become in my own skin and it’s reduced my anxiety levels ten fold. No longer do I feel inadequate if I’m standing next to a ‘Rah’ girl in my jeans and slogan tee with a bare face and hair scraped back in plaits.
On reflection, it’s only affected my life because I allowed it to. I (with the help of social media) turned it in to some big thing.
But here’s some things I do know about. Important things.
- I know about loyalty and selflessness when it comes to friendships and partnerships
(in fact sometimes I’m too selfless, probably need to rein that in a bit!)
- I know how to look after my money and balance my spending and savings.
- I know how to change a light bulb, bleed a radiator and how to hammer a nail in to a wall to hang a painting.
- I know how to look after my body by putting in good nutrients and exercising regularly. I’m learning how to be mindful and how to create some inner space.
- I can bake a good cake and make a mean cup of tea.
And most importantly, I’m learning that it’s okay to be different. I’m finally accepting myself and learning how to stop comparing myself to others. So what if I prefer to dress in a pair of vintage jeans than skinny one’s that are currently in fashion, because it suits my figure more. So what I can’t contour my face (at least if I start dating someone they won’t get too much of a shock when I remove my make up). Don’t get me wrong, I love getting all dressed up and attempting a hairstyle every now and then but I make it work for me, and rather than berating myself because it doesn’t look like the girls on the tutorial, I try something else that suits me more.
And, probably most importantly, I’m learning that it’s okay to be clueless.